Caliborn's Stories 11: Five Nights at Freddy's
by ASBusinessMagnet
Summary: Five Nights at Freddy's, including the sequel game, as summarized by the Homestuck character Caliborn. Rated T for language and violence.


HEREBY I GIVE YOU. THE LAST NUMBERED CALIBORN PRODUCTIONS STORY. FOR A LONG TIME. SINCE I WILL BE ATTENDING TO UNFINISHED BUSINESS. IT WILL TRULY BE DELICIOUS. TO GET THE FINAL REVENGE. ON THE UNIVERSE THAT I CAME FROM.

CALIBORN PRODUCTIONS PRESENTS.

FIVE NIGHTS AT FREDDY'S.

AGAIN, WHAT IS IT WITH THE HUMAN FETISH. OF HAVING EVERYTHING IN PAIRS. PORTAL 1 AND 2. HALF-LIFE 1 AND 2. BIOSHOCK 1 AND 2. HOMOLONER 1 AND 2. AND NOW. FIVE NIGHTS AT FREDDY'S 1 AND 2. DO NOT WORRY, THOUGH. I WILL COVER BOTH OF THEM IN THIS VERY ISSUE. JUST WATCH.

YOU ARE A SECURITY GUARD. IN SOME SORT OF HUMAN EATING OUT PLACE. RUN BY A GUY NAMED FREDDY FAZBEAR. WHO HAS THREE FRIENDS. BONNIE THE BUNNY. CHICA THE CHICK. AND FOXY THE PIRATE FOX. AND TOGETHER. THESE FOUR ROBOTS PERFORM FOR GUESTS ON THE DAY. AND ROAM IN THE NIGHT. AND YOUR POINT. IS TO WATCH THEM OVER. BEFORE THEY BRUTALLY MURDER YOU.

THERE ISN'T THAT MUCH TO SUMMARIZE. THEREFORE. I'LL JUST MENTION ANOTHER PERSON. PHONE GUY. AND HIS ESCAPADES DURING THE FIVE TITULAR NIGHTS.

THE FIRST NIGHT. THE PHONE GUY INTRODUCES YOU TO THE PLACE. AND MENTIONS SOMETHING. CALLED THE BITES. OF THE HUMAN YEAR ONE THOUSAND NINE HUNDRED EIGHTY SEVEN. (APPARENTLY. THIS IS HOW MANY YEARS YOU HAVE HAD? AND NOW ARE AT THE YEAR. TWO THOUSAND ZERO HUNDRED FIFTEEN. COULD YOU QUIT IT WITH THESE BIG NUMBERS.)

ALSO. HE SAYS THAT THESE FOUR ROBOTS. WILL SEE YOU AS ANOTHER ROBOT. WITHOUT A COSTUME. AND WILL TRY TO PUT ONE ON. (LUCKILY, WHENEVER THEY SEE ME, THEY SEE ME EXACTLY FOR WHAT I AM. A MALEVOLENT CHERUB.)

ALSO. APPARENTLY CLOSING THE DOOR. TO PREVENT THESE ROBOTS FROM MOLESTING YOU. EXERTS POWER? WHAT KIND OF LOGIC. DOES THE HUMAN ELECTRICITY RUN ON. (OR, FOR THAT MATTER, SHOCK JOCKEY.)

DAY TWO. THE ROBOTS BECOME MORE ACTIVE. AND IT TURNS OUT. THE SECURITY GUARD'S CAMERAS DON'T OVERSEE LITERALLY EVERYTHING. ESPECIALLY A CRITICAL SPOT. WHERE THE ROBOTS WOULD APPEAR. JUST BEFORE THEY KILL YOU. AND THE PIRATE ROBOT. IS APPARENTLY ESPECIALLY PECULIAR.

DAY THREE. THE PHONE GUY JUST TELLS YOU. THAT MOST PEOPLE WHO WORK THIS JOB ARE ALREADY DEAD. AND THAT THERE IS ABSOLUTELY NO STRATEGY. ON WHAT TO DO IF A ROBOT ENCOUNTERS YOU. JUST DON'T GET CAUGHT.

DAY FOUR. THE PHONE GUY DIES HIMSELF. AND DOES NOT LEAVE A MESSAGE OF INTEREST.

AND DAY FIVE. THERE IS ONLY SOMETHING THAT IS UNINTELLIGIBLE.

(WAIT. ON ALL THESE POINTS I MEANT NIGHTS. YOU ARE A NIGHT GUARD. FROM 12 AM TO 6 AM. DON'T FORGET THAT.)

WITH THAT WEEK ONE SUFFERED. THE GAME GOES ONTO. FIVE NIGHTS AT FREDDY'S 2. WHERE THE SAME AWFUL GUY. DESPITE BEING DEAD. IS NOT DEAD. AND THERE IS A NEW RESTAURANT. IN WHICH THERE ARE NO DOORS ANYMORE. AND INSTEAD. YOU NEED A MASK TO PROTECT YOURSELF. AND THE PHONE GUY'S APPEARANCES ARE AS FOLLOWS.

DAY ONE.

...SCREW THIS SHIT. NIGHTS. IT'S LITERALLY IN THE TITLE. FIVE *NIGHTS* AT FREDDY'S.

...SCREW ME SCREWING THIS SHIT. THE HUMANS WORK BY DAY. I WILL TELL THE STORY BY DAY.

DAY ONE. THE PHONE GUY INTRODUCES YOU TO THE NEW PLACE. AND SHOWS YOU A MUSIC BOX. THAT IS SUPPOSED TO PLACATE ONE OF THE ROBOTS.

DAY TWO. THERE IS APPARENTLY A NEW SET OF ROBOTS. AND THERE IS SOME MISHAP THING. SO YOU NEED TO FLASH THE FLASHLIGHT TO GET SOMEONE AWAY. I DON'T KNOW WHO. AND I DON'T CARE.

DAY THREE. TURNS OUT THERE'S A LONG STORY TO FOXY. THAT HE HAS BEEN TORN APART AND REMADE. UNTIL THE PEOPLE JUST GAVE UP. AND LEFT HIM IN A DISREPAIR.

DAY FOUR. TURNS OUT THERE IS SOME INVESTIGATION GOING ON IN THE PLACE. DUE TO SOME INCIDENT. THAT THE PEOPLE DENY ON DOING. BUT COME ON. THEY'RE RESPONSIBLE FOR EVERYTHING HERE.

DAY FIVE. YOU MIGHT BE OUT OF THE JOB. AND IT TURNS OUT THAT YOU NEED TO SURVIVE ONE MORE NIGHT.

AND FINALLY. DAY SIX. (CONTRADICTING THE WHOLE PREMISE.) THE WHOLE RESTAURANT IS SHUT DOWN. AND YOU SIMPLY HAVE TO FINISH THE NIGHT. SO YOU CAN GET FROM THIS HELL. AND REACH YOUR OWN VERSION OF.

THE END.

YOU WILL KNOW WHERE I AM. WHEN I TACKLE WHAT I WAS SUPPOSED TO TACKLE. BUT THEN CHICKENED OUT OF IT. (LIKE CHICA?) ALRIGHT. SEE YOU THERE.

BITCHES AND ASSHOLES.

tumut


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